Don't Ever Let Me Know
by MementoxMori
Summary: Ryoji snaps when he finds out that Minako won't kill him. He loves her too much for her to suffer.


"If you love me, let me go…Run away before I know. My heart is just too dark to care. I can't destroy what isn't there." He had no way of explaining any of this to her to make her understand that this was what had to happen. It _had_ to. "Deliver me into my fate… If I'm alone, I cannot hate." He was controlling himself better than he ever thought. "_PLEASE_!"

It was like pleading with a brick wall. He didn't understand why it was so hard for them to do what needed to be done. The end was coming and nothing they could do would stop it. There was a flare of anger in him at her stubbornness. Fists clenched at Ryoji's sides and he tightened his jaw in frustration.

"We can't kill you. I'm sorry."

She was _sorry_?

No one ever told him that human emotions would be so hard to handle. No one told him a lot of things when it came to having this form. He got mad so easily that his aura flashed and then settled again. He turned his pale, icy eyes to the girl before him.

"You're all the same. You would rather suffer than kill me and save yourselves the anguish!"

Minako's head shook as she stood near the door in her room. "I can't…"

"I _lied_ to you. I lied to everyone! I caused this for you, do you not understand? You would never have had this life if it were not for me. You could have lived a long, normal life. And I brought you nothing but death and pain. _**Kill me**_."

"No."

"You don't… You don't understand. I'm the one that brought death upon you. I hurt you in the worst possible way. I – I betrayed the only person I ever loved the moment I was created in this body." His body trembled almost so hard he didn't know if he would be able to stand on his own.

Minako stepped closer to him and her hand rose to brush her fingertips to his cheek. Instinctively, he tipped his head into her hand and closed his eyes as a soft sob racked his body. He didn't want this.

He only wanted her. Forever.

"I don't deserve to have you…" His voice was but a whisper between sobs and he buried his face against the curve of her neck. Ryoji could feel her tense up momentarily before she relaxed. Her hands moved to his hair and she comforted him.

"Shh…" Her soft voice cooed to him. Minako held him close and didn't say anything. To be honest, she didn't quite know what to say to him. The revelation of who and what he was, was still fresh in her mind, but that didn't stop her from feeling the way that she did.

Even if she didn't show it quite as much as she probably should.

He plead with her, begged her to just do what had to be done, no matter what the other chose. He didn't care. He only cared what she thought. What she wanted to do.

"I couldn't face a life without your light…"

There was a long pause. He knew the others would expect her back soon. He lived inside her for so long, he knew everything about her and he knew nothing at the same time. But nevertheless, he loved her. Or he loved her as much as he was able. He was scared about coming off as too strange or strong, which was why he decided to befriend one of her teammates. And that fear was boiling down to rage. His voice came out very carefully. "But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight…" His eyes squeezed shut. He couldn't handle it. He was going to be the one who caused her death.

If he could, he'd kill himself to save them. To save _her_.

A surge of rage and fear hit Ryoji and he shoved Minako away from him and his eyes cut toward her. "I think you made it very clear – You couldn't _hate_ enough to _love_. Is that supposed to be enough? I only wish you weren't my friend – then I could hurt you in the end." The tears stung his eyes and he didn't understand. He hurt her by refusing to end her own suffering. "My love was punished long ago…" The hurt and pain was turning into something else as he stepped forward and grasped Minako by the arms and pulled her to him. "If you still care don't ever let me know…"

With his last words to her, he grasped her chin and tipped her face up so that his lips met his. She was the only person he loved, if love was even the right word. He was part of her. He lived inside of her for ten years. She never knew it, and really, neither did he. Pharos was just a manifestation of who he really was. But he was too weak to pull himself together. He knew he owed her some sort of explanation. That night on the Moonlight Bridge was just too much for her to take in. But, it was too late now.

Midnight was approaching and his form would not even be recognizable anymore. He would be absorbed into Tartaurus and she would never have to worry about him again. Even if she did decide to kill him, he would die anyway. It would just be easier for her to handle it. His entire being was Minako's curse. Ryoji knew that they could never be together. Even in a perfect world.

Even if, by some chance, they could defeat Nyx his body would still be transformed. He would no longer be Ryoji. But, was he even Ryoji in the first place? It was thoughts like that that plagued him. He wanted to hold her, to touch her and comfort her. He wished he could be with her at the end, but he couldn't and it killed him. With trembling lips, he pressed a gentle kiss against Minako's own lips. "I love you… My dearest." His hand dropped from her face and he pulled off the glowing ring he had gotten himself to remind him of the memories he had gathered. That they had shared. Taking her hand one last time, he slipped the ring on her finger and brought it to his lips to kiss it.

There were no other words spoken. He just smiled sadly and then he turned away from her. He could have easily just disappeared from her room, but he didn't have the strength to just leave her like that.

Instead, he made it harder on her by walking out the door, his body and his heart numb. "If you still care, don't ever let me know…"


End file.
